29 5 / 2012
Negative Energy
You can only go to people so much for something. After awhile people get sick of you and that one problem and you’re then left with the problem. Just you and that. Meaning at the end of the day, you yourself has to deal with it. But my question is what if I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know how to think. I just don’t know what I need. Its like a mess just sitting there and you just don’t know where to begin to clean it up.
I don’t want to cry by myself anymore. I don’t want it to be the first thing and the last thing I think about. I don’t want to be confused and frustrated with myself, I hate that I might actually hate myself for what I did. Its not my fault, its really not… but I cant help it. I just don’t know what to do or how to feel. The fact that I only have memories to live off on, I got rid of everything that had to do with you, no letters, no notes, not even a picture. I only have memories and the feelings that I feel. No matter how many times you say eff this shit…. it really doesn’t go away that easily.
I’m afraid that if I go to you you’ll just blame me. Yes its my fear that I’ll be blamed rather than be rejected. I personally take rejection well, but on the other hand, I can not stand that something is my fault.
Maybe, I just need to have it sit a bit longer….
26 5 / 2012
Today while I sat there I got all teary eyed and I was about to cry. LOL. I am so thankful and blessed for all the love and wonderful support that I have. Thank you so much. I love each and everyone of you.
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24 5 / 2012
"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back."
(via quote-book)
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